Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
