What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
