I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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