i think my tv is drunk
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
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