I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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