Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
