saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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