found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
organizing the empties. That sober.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
