Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
