He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
