Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
