my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
