There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can't turn off my feet"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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