Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
pray to the hookup gods
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
