I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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