The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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