I hope mine doesn't look like that
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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