I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
