if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
