I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
