i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
