I just cut my nipple shaving
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
