And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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