halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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