I can't breathe out the right side of my face
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Who put my cat in the fridge?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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