she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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