And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
