there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
