It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
