don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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