Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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