Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
