Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I will be naked everywhere
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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