Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
