obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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