We won't sleep together?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
