I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I need a burrito and a hug.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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