Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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