YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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