if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
