i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
pop tarts are not kleenex
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
