Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
