Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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