I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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