Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
