I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
