It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
