Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
