@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
