At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Mom said you looked used
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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