You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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