i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
