I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
