Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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