scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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