if only i could text you this smell
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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