STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
