Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm like, not good at living.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
