I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
