Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just googled if crying burns calories
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
