I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
