Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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