I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
