There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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