so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
