whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
