whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
