Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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