Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
