ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
