currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
