You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pants are for mortals
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
