My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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