oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
