That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
